The 13 Steps to Recovery from Assholeism and Assholery | Assholes Anonymous

Step 1: We admitted to ourselves that we were powerless over being an asshole, and that our lives had become unmanageable due to our own asshole-ism. Admit to yourself and to anyone else that you are powerless over being an asshole.

Step 2: Began to believe that there might be something or someone else who is also important in life, outside of our own self obsession and self-centered asshole ways.

Step 3: Made a commitment to turn our will and our lives over to the care of GodLoves.Life and to trust in tidings.

Step 4: Began to engage in self-reflection and constructive criticism of our own actions and choices, without trying to blame everyone else for our problems.

Step 5: Admitted to GodLoves.Life, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our assholery and asshole-ish ways of thinking and acting toward others and ourselves.

Step 6: We were entirely ready to have GodLoves.Life remove all these defects of our asshole character.

Step 7: We Humbly asked GodLoves.Life to remove our shortcomings as the gaping assholes we are in our everyday lives.

Step 8: We made a list of all the kind persons we had harmed through our assholery, and became willing to make amends to them all, except where to do so would just continue enabling your assholery, and further harm any person.

Step 9: We made direct amends to such people we have harmed, wherever possible, without relapsing into the assholes that we are, and pretending it’s their fault. We did not try hard enough. Insincerity and lack of accountability are two hallmarks of an Asshole.

Step 10: We continued to take honest self-reflection and introspection on the nature of our assholery, and when we were wrong, we quickly admitted it, and we ate a large plate of Humble Pie, with a generous side plate of Crow.

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with GodLoves.Life, as we understood GodLoves.Life praying only for awareness and consciousness of the need to be a good person, and not a gaping asshole. Having had a rude spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other assholes, and to practice mindful abstinence from thinking, being, or acting as or like an asshole.

Step 12: We became accountable, 24/7. 24 hours a day – 7 days a week – for our inner urges to be a liar, and manipulator, a gas lighter, an abuser, a scammer, a user, a one-hundred percent gold-plated phony, and a gaping asshole who lies, cheats, deceives, cons, and whatever else you do to get what you want from others, regardless of their well-being.

Step 13: Admit that you are an asshole. Get over yourself. You’re not that important in the greater cosmic diaspora.

copyright 2020 Brandon E. Evans | all rights reserved. You are not allowed to reproduce, disseminate, copy, or dilute this text without prior written consent of the prophet, Brandon E. Evans

Donate Bitcoin in any amount to Assholes Anonymous. Your donations help!